Haveth Childers Everywhere

AMTSADAM, sir, to you ! Eternest cit-
tas, heil ! Here we are again. I am bubub brought up under a camel act of dynasties long out of print, the first of Shitric Shilkan-
beard (or is it Owllaugh MacAuscullpth the Thord?), but, in pontofacts massimust, I am known throughout the world wherever my good Allenglisches Angleslachsen is spo-
07 ↑ken by Sall and Will from Augustanus to Ergastulus, as this is, whether in Farnum’s rath or Condra’s ridge or the meadows of Daikin or Monkish tunshep, by saints and sinners eyeeye alike as a cleanliving man and, as a matter of fict, by my halfwife, I think how our public at large appreciates it most highly from me that I am as clean-
living as could be and that my game was a fair average since I perpetually kept my ouija ouija wicket up. On my verawife I never was nor can afford to be guilty of crim crig con, of malfeasance trespass against parson with the person of a youthful gigirl frifrif friend chirped Apples, acted by Miss Dashe, in Kissilov’s Slutsgartern or Gigglotte’s Hill, when I would touch to her dot and feel most greenily of her unripe08 ↑ ones as it should prove most anniece and far too bahad, nieceless to say, to my repu-
tation on Babbyl Malket for daughters-in-
trade being lightly clad. I should her have awristed under my duskguise of whippers through toombs and deempeys, lagmen, was she but tinkling of such a tink. And, as a mere matter of ficfect, I tell of myself how I popo possess the ripest littlums wi-
fukie around the globelettes globes upon which she was romping off on Floss Mun-
dai out of haram’s way round Skinner’s cir-
cusalley first with her consolation prize in my serial dreams of faire women, Manne-
quins Passe, handicapped by two breasts in operatops, a remarkable little endowment garment. Fastened at various places. What spurt ! I kickkick keenly love such, par-
09 ↑ticularly while savouring of their flavours at their most perfect best when served with heliotrope ayelips, as this is, where I do drench my jolly soul on the pu pure beauty of her past.

She is my bestpreserved wholewife, so-
well her as herafter, in Evans’s eye, with incompatibly the smallest shoenumber out-
side chinatins. They are jolly dainty spekin tluly. May we not recommend them? It was my proofpiece from my prentice ser-
ving. And, alas, our private chaplain of Lambeyth and Dolekey bishopregionary, an always sadfaced man, in his lutestring pewcape with tabinet band, who has visited our various hard hearts and reins by imposition of fufuf fingers, olso haddock’s fumb, in that Upper Room can speak10 ↑ loud to you some quite complimentary things about my clean charactering, even when detected in the dark, distressful though such recital prove to me, as this is, when I introduced her (Frankfurters, numborines why drive fear?) to our fourpos-
ter tunis chantreying under Castrucci Sinior and De Mellos, those whapping oldsteirs, with sycamode euphonium in either nota-
tion in our altogether cagehaused ducky-
heim on Goosna Greene, that cabinteeny homesweetened through affection’s Hoard-
payns (First Murkiss, or so they sankeyed. Dodo ! O Clearly ! And Gregorio at front with Johannes far in back. Aw, aw !) glee-
glom there’s gnome sweepplaces like the-
resweep Nowhergs. By whom, as my Kerk Findlater’s, ye litel chuch rond ye11 ↑ coner and K. K. Katakasm, enjoineth in the Belief and, as you all know, of a child, dear Humans, one of my life’s ambitions of my youngend from an early peepee period while still to hedjeskool, intended for broad church, I, being fully alive to it, was parruchially confirmed in Caulofat’s bed by our bujibuji beloved curate-author. Michael Engels is your man. Let Michael relay Sutton and tell you people here who have the phoney habit (it was remarketable) in his clairaudience as this is as only our own Michael can, when reicherout at su-
perstation, to bring ruptures to our roars how I am amp ainp amplify. Hiemlancol-
lin Pimpim’s Ornery forninehalf Shaun Shemsen saywhen saywhen Holmstock unsteaden. Livpoomark lloyrge hoggs one12 ↑ four tupps noying. Big Butter Boost ! Sorry ! Thnkyou ! Thatll beall fortody. Cal it off ! Godnotch, vryboily. End a muddy crushmess ! Abbreciades anew York gustoms. Kyow ! Tak.

— Tiktak. Tikkak.

— Awind abuzz awater falling.

— Poor a cowe his jew placator.

— It’s the damp damp damp.

— Calm has entered. Big big Calm, announcer. It is most ernst terooly a more-
some intartenment. Colt’s tooth ! I will give tandsel to it. I protest there is luttrelly not one teaspoonspill of evidence at bot-
tomlie to my babad as you shall see, as this is. Keemun Lapsang of first pickings. And I contango can take off my dudud dirtynine articles of quoting here in Pynix13 ↑ Park before those in heaven to provost myself, by gramercy of justness I mean veryman and moremon, stiff and staunch for ever, and enter under the advicies from Misrs Norris, Southby, Yates and Weston inc., to their favoured client, into my pre-
protestant caveat against the pupup publi-
cation of libel by any tix tipsyloon or tob-
tomtowley of Keisserse Lean (a bloweyed lanejoymt, waring lowbelt suit, with knock-
brecky kenees and bullfist rings round him and a fallse roude axehand (he is cunvesser to Saunter’s Nocelettres and the Poe’s Toffee’s Directory in his pisness), the best begrudged man in Belgradia who doth not belease to our paviour); to my nonesuch, that highest personage at moments holding down the throne. So to speak of beauty14 ↑ scouts in elegant pursuit of flowers sear-
chers for tabernacles and the celluloid art ! Happen seen sore eynes belived? The caca cad ! He walked by North Strand with his Thom’s towel in hand. Snakeeye ! Strangler of soffiacated green parrots ! I protest it that he is by my wipehalf. He was leaving out of my double inns while he was all teppling over my single ixits. So was keshaned on for his recent behaviour. Sherlook is lorkin forhim. Allare beltspanners. Get your air curt ! Shame upon Private M ! Shames on his fulsomeness ! Shamus on his atkinscum’s lulul lying suulen for an outcast mastiff littered in blood currish ! Eristocras till Hanging Tower. Steck ajavelin through his advowtried heart ! Instaunton ! Flap, my Larrybird ! Dan-
15 ↑gle, my highflyet ! Jiggety fig my jack-
adandyline ! Let me never see his waddphez again ! And mine it was Barktholed von Hunarig, Soesown of Furrows (hourspring-
like his joussture, immitiate my chry ! as urs now, so yous then !) when to our lot it fell on my poplar Sexsex, my Sexencentaur-
nary, whenby Gate of Hal, before his hostel of the Wodin man, I hestened to freeholdit op to his Mam his Maman, Majuscules, His Magnus Maggerstick, first city’s leasekuays of this Nova Tara, our most noble, when hrossbucked on his pricelist charger Pfer-
dinamd Allibuster (Yeddonot need light oar till Noreway for you fanned one oer every doorway) with my allbum’s greethims through this whole of my promises, hand-
shakey congrandyoulikethems, ecelesensy.16 ↑

Whosaw the jackery dares at handgrip-
per thisa breast? Dose makkers ginger. Some one we was with us all fours. Ad-
versarian ! The spiking Duyvil ! First liar in Londsend ! Wulv ! See you scargore on that skeepsbrow ! And those meisies ! Sul-
ken taarts ! Man sicker at I ere bluffet konservative? Shucks ! Such ratshause bugsmess so I cannot barely conceive of ! Lowest basemeant in hystry ! Ibscenest nansence ! Noksagt Per Peeler and Pawr ! The brokerheartened Shugon ! Hole affair is rotten muckswinish porcupig’s draff. Enouch !

— Is that yu, Whitehed?

— Have you headnoise now?

— Give us your mespilt reception, will yous?17 ↑

— Pass the fish for Christ’s sake !

— Old Whitehowth he is speaking again. Ope Eustace tube ! Pity poor whi-
teoath ! Dear gone mummeries, goby ! Tell the woyld I have lived true thousand, hells. Pity, please, lady, for poor O. W. in this profundust snobbing I have caught. Nine dirty years mine age, hairs hoar, mummery failend, snowdrift to my ellpow, deff as Adder. I askt you, dear lady, to judge on my tree by our fruits. I gave you of the tree. I gave two smells, three eats. My freeandies, my celeberrimates : my happy bossoms, my allfalling fruits of my boom. Pity poor Haveth Childers Everywhere with Mudder !

That was Communicator, a former Co-
lonel. A disincarnated spirit, called Sebas-
18 ↑tion, frorn the Rivera in Januero, (he is not all hear) may fernspreak shortly with mes-
suages from my deadported. Let us cheer him up a little and make an appunkment for a future date. Hello, Commudicate ! How’s the buttes? Everscepistic ! He does not believe in our psychous of the Real Absence, neither miracle wheat nor soul-
surgery of P. P. Quemby. He has had some indiejestings, poor thing, for quite a little while, confused by his tonguer of baubble. A way with him ! Poor Felix Culapert ! Ring his mind, ye staples, (bonze !) in my ould reekeries’ ballyheart and in my Krumlin and in aroundisements and stremmis ! Sacks eleathury ! Sacks eleathury ! Bam ! I deplore over him ruely. Mongrieff ! O Hone ! Guestermed with the19 ↑ nobelities, to die bronxitic in achershous ! So enjoying of old thick whiles, in haute white toff’s hoyt of our formed reflections, with stock of eisen all his prop, so bu-
ckely hosiered from the Royal Leg, and his puertos mugnum. He would puffout a dhymful bock. And the how he would husband her that verikerfully, his cigare divane ! (He would redden her with his vestas, but tis naught). With us his ne-
phos and his neberls mest incensed and befogged by him and his smoke thereof. But he shall have his glad stein of our zober beerbest in Oscarshal’s winetavern. Buen retiro! The boyce voyce is still flau-
tish and his mounth still wears that sold-
ier’s scarlet though the flaxafloyeds are peppered with salsedine. It is bycause of20 ↑ what he was ascend into his prisons on account off. I whit it wel. Hence his deepraised words. Some day I may tell of his second storey. Mood ! Mood ! It looks like someone other bearing my burdens. I cannot let it. Kanes nought.

Well, yeamen, I have bared my whole past, I flatter myself, on both sides. Give me even two months by laxlaw in second division and my first broadcloth is business will be to protest to Recorder at Thing of all Things, or court of Skivinis, with mar-
chants grey, antient and credibel, Zero-
bubble Barrentone, Jonah Whalley, Deter-
mined Codde or Cucumber Upright, my jurats, if it does not occur again. O rhyme us ! Haar Faagher, wild heart in Homelan; Harrod’s be the naun. Mine kinder come,21 ↑ mine wohl be won. There is nothing like leuther. O Shee ! And nosty mens in glad-
shouses they shad not peggot stones. The elephant’s house is his castle. I am here to tell you indeed to goodness that, allbe I discountenanced beallpersuasions, in ri-
nunciniation of pomps of heretofore, with a wax too held in hand, I am thorgtfulldt to do dope me of her miscisprinks and by virchow of those filthered Ovocnas presen-
tly like Browne umbracing Christina Anya, after the Irishers, to convert me into a selt (but first I must proxy babetise my old ante-
naugthies), when as Sigismond Stolterforth, with Rabbin Robroost for my auspicer and Leecher Rutty for my lifearst and Lorencz pattern (Ehren til viktrae !), when I will westerneyes those poor sunuppers and22 ↑ outbreighten their land’s eng. A man should stump up and I will pay my pretty decent trade price for my glueglue glue-
cose, peebles, were it even as this is, the legal eric for infelicitous conduict (here incloths placefined my pocketanchored-
check) and, as a matter of fact, I under-
take to discontinue entyrely all practices and I deny wholeswiping in toto at my own request in all stoytness to have con-
fermentated and confoederated and agreed in times prebellic when here were waders for the trainsfolk, as it is now nuggently laid to me, with a friend from mine, Mr Bil-
lups, pulleter, my quarterbrother, who so-
metimes he is doing my locum for me on a grubstake and whom I have cleped con-
stoutuent, for so it was felt by me, at good-
23 ↑buy cootcoops byusucapiture a mouthless niggeress, Blanchette Brewster from Cher-
na Djamja, Blawlawnd-via-Brigstow, or to illsell nmy fourth part in her, which although allowed of in Deuterogamy as in several places of Scripture (copyright) and excluded books (they should quite rightly verbanned be) would seem eggseggs excessively har-
roween to my feelimbs for two punt scotch, one pollard and a crockard or three pipples on the bitch. Thou, Frick’s Flame, Uden Sulfer, who strikest only on the marryd bokks, enquick me if so be I did cophetuise milady’s maid, in spect of her beavers she is a womanly and sacret. Such wear a frillick for my comic strip, Mons Meg’s Monthly, comes out aich Fanagan’s wake, to bray at by clownsillies in Donkey-
24 ↑brook Fair. It would lackin mackin Hodder’s and Cocker’s erithmatic. The unpurdonable preempson of all of her of yourn, by Juno Moneta ! If she, iris-
hed Marryonn Teheresiann, has been disposed of for her consideration, I, Led-
widge Salvatorious, am tradefully unintiri-
stid. And if she is still further talc slop-
ping over her cocoa contours, I hwat mick angars, am strongly of opinion why I should not be. Improbable ! I do not credit one word of it. Just feathers ! Nanenities ! Or to have ochtroyed to resolde or borrough by exchange same super melkkaart, means help; best Brixton high yellow, no ou-
tings, cent for cent on Auction’s Bridge. ’Twere a honnibel crudelty wert so tente-
ment to their naktlives and scatab orgias25 ↑ we devour about in the mightyevil roohms of enceint cartage. Utterly improperable ! Not for old Crusos or white soul of gold ! A pipple on the panis, two claps on the cansill, or three pock pocks cassey knocked on the postern ! Not for one testey tickey culprik’s coynds ore for all ecus in cunzie-
howffse ! So hemp me Cash. I meanit.

My herrings ! The surdity of it ! Amean to say. Her bare idears, it is choochoo chucklesome. Absurd bargain, mum, will call. One line, with ! One line, with with ! Will ate everadayde saumone like a boyne alive O. The tew cherripickers, with their Catheringnettes, Lizzy and Lissy Mycock from Street Fleshshambles, were they moon at aube with hespermun and I their covin guardient, I would not know to con-
26 ↑tact such gretched youngsters in my ways from Haddem or any suistersees or hei-
resses of theirn, claiming by, through, or under them. Ous of their freiung pfann into myne foyer. Her is one which ras-
sembled to mein enormally. The man what shocked his shanks at contey Car-
low’s. He is Deucollion. Each habe go-
heerd, uptaking you are innersence, but we sen you meet sose infance. Deucollion ! Odor. Evilling chimbes is smutsick rivul-
verblott but thee hard casted thereass pig-
stenes upann Congan’s shootsmen in Schot-
tenhof, ekeascent ? Igen Deucollion ! I liked his Gothamm chic ! Stuttertub ! What a shrubbery trick to play ! I will put my oathhead unner my whitepot for ransom of beeves and will stand me27 ↑ where I stood mine in all free heat bet-
ween Pelagios and little Chistayas by Roderick’s our mosttnonolith, after my both earstoear and brebreeches buybibles and minhatton testify to my unclothed vir-
tue by the longstone erectheion of our all-
first manhere. I should tell you that ho-
nestly, on my honour of a Nearwicked. I always think in a wordworth’s of that pri-
med favourite continental poet, Daunty, Gouty and Shopkeeper, A. G. whom the generality admoyers in this that is and that this is to come. Like as my palmer’s past policy I have had my best master’s lessons as the public he knows, and do you know, homesters, I honestly think if I have failed lamentably by accident benefits though shintoed, spitefired, perpla-
28 ↑gued and cramkrieged, I am doing my dids bits and have made of my prudentials good. I have been told I own stolemines or some-
thing of that sorth in the sooth of Spainien. Hohohoho ! Have I said ogso how I abhor myself vastly (truth to tell) and do repent to my netherheart of suntry clothing? The amusin part is I will say, hotelmen, that since I, over the deep drowner athacleeath to seek again Irrlanding, shamed in mind, with three plunges of my ruddertail, yet not a bottlenim, vanced imperial standard by weaponright and platzed mine residenze, taking bourd and burgage under starri-
misty and ran and operated my brixtol se-
lection here at thollstall for mean straits male with evorage fimmel, in commune soc-
cage among strange and enemy, among29 ↑ these plotlets, in Poplinstown, alore Fort Dunlip, then-on-sea, hole of Serbonian bog, now city of magnificent distances, good-
walldabout, with talus and counterscarp and pale of palisades, upon martiell siegewin with Abbot Warre to blesse on yon slau-
chterday of cleantarriffs, in that year which I have called myriabellous, and overdrave these marken (the soord on whencehislaws was mine and mine the prusshing stock of Allbrecht the Bearn), under patroonshaap of our good kingsinnturns T. R. H. Urban First and Champaign Chollyman and Hun-
gry the Loaved and Hangry the Hathed here where my tenenure of office and my toils of domestication first began, with weight of woman my Skat and Skuld but Flukie of the Ravens as my sure piloter,30 ↑ famine with Englisch sweat and oppede-
mics the twotoothed dragon worms with allsort serpents, has compolitely seceded from this landleague of many nations and open and notorious naughty livers are found not on our rolls. This seat of our city it is of all sides pleasant, comfortable and wholesome. If you would traverse hills, they are not far off. If champain land, it lieth of all parts. If you would be deli-
ted with fresh water, the famous river cal-
led of Ptolemy the Libnia Labia runneth fast by. If you will take the view of the sea, it is at hand. Give heed !

— Do Drumcollogher whatever you do !

— Visitez Drumcollogher-la-Belle !

— Be suke and sie so Ersed Drumcol-
logher !31 ↑

— Vedi Drumcollogher e poi moonis.

Things are not as they were. Let me briefly survey. Pro clam a shun ! Pip ! Peep ! Pipitch ! Ubipop jay piped, ibipep goes the whistle, here Tyeburn throttled, massed murmars march: where the bus stops there shop I : here which ye see yea reste. On me, your sleeping giant, Estoesto ! Estote sunto ! From the hold of my capt in altitude till the mortification that’s my fate. The end of aldest mosest ist the beginning of all thisorder so the last of their hansbailis shall the first in our sheriffsby. New highs for all ! Redu Negru may be black in tawn but under them lintels are staying my horney-
men meet each his mansiemagd. For peers and gints, quaysirs and galleyliers, fresk letties from the say and stale heady-
32 ↑gabblers, gaingangers and dudder wago-
ners, pullars off societies and pushers on Rothmere’s homes. Obeyance from the townsmen spills felixity by the toun. Our bourse and politico-ecomedy are in safe with good Jock Shepherd, our lives are on sure in sorting with Jonathans wild and great. Been so free ! Thank you besters ! Hattentats have mindered. Blaublaze de-
vilbobs have gone from the mode and hair-
trigger nicks are quite out of time now. Thuggeries are reere as glovars’ metins, lepers lack, ignerants show beneath suspi-
cion like the bitterhalves of esculapuloids. In midday’s mallsight let Miledd discur-
verself. Meludd in her hide park seek Minuinette. All is waldly bonums. Blow-
nose aerios we luft to you ! Firebugs good33 ↑ blazes ! Lubbers, kepp your poudies drier ! Seamen, we segn your skivs and wives. Seven ills so barely as centripunts havd I habt, seaventy seavens for circumfe-
rence inkeptive are your hill prospect. Braid Blackfordrock, the Calton, the Li-
berton, Craig and Lockhart’s, A. Costo-
fino, R. Thursitt. The chort of Nicholas Within was my guide and I raised a dome on the wherewithouts of Michan: by awful tors my well worth building sprang sky spearings spires, cloud cupoled campaniles : further this. By fineounce and imposts I got and grew and by grosscruple gat I grown ontreachesly : murage and lestage were my mains for Ouerlord’s tithing and my drains for render and prender the doles and the tribute : I was merely out of my34 ↑ mint with all the percussors on my brain-
cap till I struck for myself and muched mo-
rely by token : to Sirrherr of Garnbelden ruddy money, to Madame of Pitymount I loue yous. Paybads floriners moved in hugheknots against us and I matt them, pepst to papst, barthelemew : milreys (mark !) onfell, and (Luc !) I arose Daniel in Leonden. Bulafests onvied ine, Corkcut-
tas graatched. Atabey ! I braved Brien Berueme to berow him against the Lough-
lins, all her talkies shraking : Fugabol-
lags ! Lusqu’au bout ! If they had ire back of eyeball they got danage on front tooth : theres vvere revelries at ridottos, here was rivalry in redoubt: I wegschicked Duke Wellinghof to reshockle Roy Shackleton : Walhalloo, Walhalloo, Walhalloo, mourn35 ↑ in plein ! Under law’s marshall and War-
schouw did I thole till lead’s plumbate, ping on pang, reliefed me. I made praharfeast upon acorpolous and fastbroke down in Neederthorpe. I let faireviews in on Slo-
bodens but ranked rothgardes round wrath-
mindsers : I bathandbaddend on mendicity and I corocured off the unoculated. Who can tell their tale whorn I filled ad liptum on the plain of Saulsbury ? With three hunkered peepers and twa and twas ! For sleeking beauties I spinned their nightin-
veils, to slumbred beast I tummed the thief air. Round the musky moved a murmel, but mewses whinninared and belluas zoomed: tendulcis tunes like water parted fluted up from the westinders while from gorges in the east came the strife of ourangoontan-
36 ↑gues. All in my thicville Escuterre ofen was thorough fear but in the meckling of my burgh Belvaros was the site forbed : tuberclerosies I reized spudully from the murphyplantz Hawkinsonia and berriber-
ries from the pletoras of the Irish shou. I heard my libertilands inaking free through their curraghcoombs, my trueblues hurusa-
laming before Wailingtone’s Wall : I rich-
mounded the rainelag in my bathtub of roundwood and conveyed it with cheers and cables, roaring mighty shouts, through my longertubes of elm : out of fundness for the outozone I carried them amd curried them in my Putzemdown cars to my Kommean-
dine hotels : I made sprouts fontaneously from Philuppe Sobriety in the coupe that’s cheyned for noon inebriates : when they37 ↑ weaned weary of that bibbing I made infu-
sion more infused: sowerpacers of the vine-
garth, obtemperate unto me ! When you think me in my coppeecuffs look in ware would you meckamockame, as you pay in caabman’s sheltar tot the ites like you corss the tees. Wherefore watch ye well ! For, while I oplooked the first ofJanus’s straight, I downsaw the last of Christmas steps: syn-
dic podestril and on the rates, I for indigent and intendente: in Forum Foster I demos-
threnated my folksfiendship enmy pupuls felt my burk was no worse than their brite : Sapphrageta and Consciencia were unde-
cidedly attached to me but the maugher machrees and the auntieparthenopes my schwalby words with litted spongelets set their soakey pokeys and botchbons afume :38 ↑ Fletcher-Flemmings, elisaboth, how inter-
quackeringly they rogated me, their golden one, I inhesitant made replique : Mesde-
memdes to leursieuresponsor: and who in hillsaide, don’t you let flyfire till you see their whites of the bunkers’ eyes? Mr An-
swers : Brimgem young, bringem young, bringem young !: in my bethel of Solyman’s I accouched their rotundaties and I turn-
keyed most insultantly over raped lutetias in the lock : I gave bax of biscums to the jacobeaters and pottage bakes to the esaus-
ted : I dehlivered them with freakandesias by the constant droppings from my smalls instalmonths while I titfortotalled up their farinadays for them on my slataper’s slate with my chandner’s chauk : I jaunted on my jingelbrett rapt in neckloth and sashes,39 ↑ and I beggered about the amnibushes like belly in a bowle. In the humanity of my heart I sent out heyweywomen to refresh the ballwearied and then, doubling mega-
lopolitan poleetness, my great great grea-
test of these charities, devaleurised the base fellows for the curtailment of their lower man : with a slog to square leg I sent my boundary to Botany Bay and I ran up a score and four of mes while the Yanks were huckling the Empire : I have been reci-
ping om omominous letters and widelysi-
gned petitions full of pieces of pottery about my monumentalness as a thingabolls and I have been inchanting causeries to the feshest cheoilboys so that they are allcal-
ling on me for the song of a birtch : the more secretely bi built, the more openly40 ↑ palastered. Attent ! Couch hear ! I havebec-
ket my vonderbilt hutch in sunsmidnought at morningrise was encampassed of mush-
roofs. Rest and bethinkful, with licence, thanks. I considered the lilies on the veldt and unto Balkis did I disclothe mine glory. And this. This missy my taughters, and these man my son, from my fief of the villa of the Ostmanorum to Thorstan’s, recte Thomars Sraid and from Huggin Pleaze to William Inglis his house that man de Loundres, in all their barony of Saltus, bonders and foeburghers, helots and zelots, strutting oges and swaggering macks, the darsy jeamses, the drury joneses, redmaids and bleucotts, in hommage all and felony, all who have received tickets, fair home overcrowded, tidy but very little furniture,41 ↑ respectable, whole family attends daily mass and is dead sick of bread and butter, sometime in the militia, mentally strained from reading work on german physics, shares closet with eight other dwellings, more than respectable, getting comfortable parish relief, wageearner freshly shaven from prison, highly respectable, planning new departure in mountgomery cyclefinis-
hing, eldest son will not serve but peruses Big-man-up-in-the-sky scraps, anoopana-
doon lacking backway, quasi respectable, pays ragman in bones for faded window-
curtains, staircase continually lit up with guests, particularly respectable, house lost in dirt and blocked with refuse, getting on like roe’s distillery on fire, slovenly wife active with the jug, in business for41 ↑ himself, has a tenth illegitimate coming, partly respectable, following correspon-
dence courses, chucked work over row, both cheeks kissed at levee by late mar-
quess of Zetland, sharing closet which is profusely written over with eleven other subscribers, once respectable, open hall-way pungent of Baltic dishes, bangs kept woman’s head against wall thereby disturbing neighbours, private chapel occu-
pies return landing, removal every other quarter day, case one of peculiar hopeless-
ness, most respectable, night soil has to be removed through snoring household, excentric naval officer not quite steady enjoys weekly churchwarden and laugh while reading foreign pictorials on clug-
strump before door, known as the trap,43 ↑ widow rhumatic and chars, haunted, con-
demned and execrated, of dubious respec-
tability, tools too costly pledged or unin-
sured, reformed philantropist whenever feasable takes advantage of unfortunates against dilapidating ashpits, serious student is eating his last dinners, floor dangerous for unaccompagnied old clergymen, thoroughly respectable, many uncut pious books in evi-
dence, nearest water tap two hundred yards run away, fowl and bottled gooseberry fre-
quently on table, man has not had boots off for twelve months, infant being taught to hammer flat piano, outwardly respectable, sometimes hears from titled connection, one foot of dust between banister and cracked wall, wife cleans stools, eminently respec-
table, ottawark and regular loafer, should be44 ↑ operated would she consent, deplorable rent in roof, claret cellar cobwebbed since the pontificate of Leo, wears drill trousers and collects rare buddhas, underages very trea-
cly and verminous have to be separated, sits up with fevercases for one and threepence, owns two terraces (back to back breeze), respectable in every way, harmless imbecile supposingly weakminded, a sausage every Sunday, has a staff of eight servants, lieabed sons go out with sisters immediately after dark, has never seen the sea, travels always with her eleven trunks of clothing, starving cat left in disgust, the pink of respectability, resting after colonial service, labours at plant, the despair of his many benefac-
tresses, calories exclusively from rowntrees and dunplings, one bar of sunlight does45 ↑ them all january and half february, the V. de V’s (animal diet) live in five storied semi-
detached but rarely pay tradesmen, went security for friend who absconded, shares same closet with fourteen similar cottages and an illfamed lodging house, more respec-
table than some, teawidow pension but held to purchase, inherited silk hat from father-
in-law, head of domestic economy never mentioned, queery how they live, reputed to procure, last four occupants carried out, mental companionship with mates only, respectability unsuccessfully aimed at, copious holes emitting mice, decoration from Uganda chief in locked ivory casket, grandmother has advanced alcoholic amblyopia, the terror of goodmens’ field, and respected and respectable, as respec-
46 ↑table as respectable can respectably be, though their orable amission were the herrors I have expected, all, let them all come they are my villeins, with chartularies I have talledged them. Wherfor I will and firmly command, as I willed and firmly commanded upon my royal word and cause the great seal now to be affixed, that from the farthest of the farther of their fathers to their childrens’ childrens’ chil-
dren they do inhabit it and hold it for me unencumbered and my heirs firmly and quietly, amply and honestly, and with all the liberties and free customs which the men of Tolbris a city of Tolbris, have at Tolbris, in the county of their city and through whole my land. Hereto my vou-
chers knive and snuffbuchs. Fee for farm.47 ↑ Enwreak us wrecks. Struggling forlongs I have livramentoed milles on milles of man-
cipelles. Lo I have looked upon my pum-
padears in their easancies and my drummers have tattled tall tales of me in the land : in morgenattics litt I hope : in seralcellars lou-
ched I bleakmealers on my siege of my mighty I was parciful of my subject but in street wauks that are darkest I debelle-
dem superb : I deemed the drugtails in my pettycourts and domstered dustyfeets in my husinclose : at Guy’s they were swa-
thed, at Foulkes’s slashed, the game for a Gomez, the loy for a lynch: if I was magmo-
nimoss as staidy lavgiver I revolucanized by my eructions : the hye and bye wayseeds I scattered em, in my graben fields sew sowage I gathered em : in Sheridan’s Circle48 ↑ my wits repose, in black pitts of the peste-
red Lenfant he is. dummed. (Hearts of Oak, may ye root to piece ! Rechabites ob-
stain. Clayed sheets, pineshrouded, wake not ! walk not !). Quo warranto has his greats my soliven and puissant lord V. king regards for me and he has given to me my necknamesh (flister it !) which is second fid-
dler to nomen. These be my genteelician arms. A t the crest, two young frish, etoiled flappant, devoiled of their habiliments, ves-
ted sable, withdrewers argent. For the boss a Coleopter, pondant, partifesswise blazond sinister, at the slough, proper. In the lower field a terce of lanciers, shaking unsheathed shafts, their arms crossed in saltire, embusked, sinople. Motto, in let-
ters potent: Hery Crass Evohodie. Idle49 ↑ were it repassing from elserground to the elder disposition, to inquire whether I, draggedasunder, be the forced generation of group marriage holocryptogam, of my essenes, or carried of cloud from land of locust, in ouzel galley borne, I, huddled til summone be the massproduct of teamwork, three surtouts wripped up in itchother’s, two twin pritticoaxes lived as one, trou-
bled in trine or dubildin too, for abram nude be I or roberoyed with the faineans, or Feejeean grafted ape on merfish, sur-
rounded by obscurity, by my virtus of crea-
tion and by boon of promise, by my natural born freeman’s journeymanright, and my otherchurch’s inher light, in so and such a manner as me it so besitteth, most surely I pretend and reclam to opt for simulta-
50 ↑neous. Till daybowbreak and shoshadows flee. Thus be hek. Verily ! Verily ! Time, place !

— What is your numb? Bun !

— Who gave yu that numb? Poo !

— Have you put in all your sparepen-
nies? I’m listening. Sree !

— Keep clear of propennies ! Kore !

— Mr Televox, Mrs Taubiestimm and invisible friends. I maymay mean to say. Annoyin part of it was, had faithful Fulvia, following the wiening courses of this world turned her back on her ways to gon on uphills upon search of louvers,brunette men Earalend, Chief North Paw and Chief Goes in Blackwater and Chief Brown Poole and Chief Night Cloud by the Deeps, or again had Fluvia, amber whitch51 ↑ she was, left her chivily crookcrook crocus bed at the bare suggestions of some prol-
ling bywaymen from Moabit who could have abused of her, the foxrogues, there might accrue advantage to ask wher in pellmell her deceivers sinned. Yet know it was vastly otherwise which I have heard it by my goods waif, as I, chiefly endmost, hartyly aver, for Fulvia Fluvia iddle wo-
man to the plusneeborn, ever did ensue tillstead the things that pertained unto fairnesse, this wharom I am fawned on, that which was loost. Even so, for I waged love on her : and spoiled her undines. And she wept : O my lors !

— Till we meet !

— Ere we part !

— Tollollall !52 ↑

— This time a hundred years !

— But I was firm with her. And I did take the reached of my delights, my jealousy, and did raft her flumingworthily and did leftlead her overland the pace, from lacks-
leap up to liffsloup, tiding down, as por-
treeve should, whimpering by Kevin’s creek and Hurdlesford and Gardener’s Mall, long Rivierside Drive, embankment large, to Ringsend Flott and Ferry, where she began to bump a little bit, my dart to throw : and there by wavebrink, on strond of south, with mace to masthigh, taillas Cowhowling quailless Highjakes, did I upriesed my magicianer’s puntpole and I bade those polyfizzyboisterous seas to retire with hemselves from os (rookwards, thou53 ↑ seasea stamoror !) and I abridged with dom-
fine norsemanship till I had done abate her maidan race, my baresark bride, and knew her fleshly when with all my bawdy did I her whorship, min bryllupswibe : Heaven, he hallthundered, Heydays, he flung bliss-
forhers. And I cast my tenspan joys on her, arsched overtupped, from bank of call to echobank, by dint of strongbow (Galata ! Galata !) so streng we were in one, males-
tream in shegulf : and to ringstresse I thumbed her with iern of Erin and trades-
manmarked her lieflang mine for all and singular iday, igone, imorgans, and for er-
vigheds : base your peak, you ! you, strike your flag ! : (what screech of shippings ! What low of dampfbulls !) from Livland hoks zivios, from Lettland skall vives ! With54 ↑ Impress of Asias and Queen Columbia for her pairanymphs and the singing sands for herbrides’ music goosegaze annoynted uns, canailles canzoned, and me to she her shy-
blumes lifted :and I pudd a name and wed-
lock boltoned round her the which to carry till her grave, my durdin dearly, Appia Lip-
pia Pluviabilla, whiles I herr lifer amstell and been : I chained her chastemate to grippe fiuming snugglers, her chambrett I bestank so to spunish furiosos: I was her ho-
chsized, her cleavunto, her everest, she was my annie, my lauralad, my pisoved: who cut her ribbons when nought my prowes? who expoused that havenliness to beachalured ankerrides when not I, freipforter? : in tri-
nity huts they met my dame, pick of their poke for me : when I foregather twas my54 ↑ sumbad, if I farseeker itch my list : had I not workit in my cattagut with dogshunds’ crotts to clene, and, had I not gifted of my coataways, constantonoble’s aim : and, for-
tiffed by my right as man of capitol, I did umgyrdle her about, my vermincelly vina-
gerette, with all loving kindness as far as in man’s might it lay, and enfranchised her to liberties of fringes : and I gave until my lilienyounger turkeythighs soft goods and hardware (catalogue, passim) and ladder-
proof hosiery lines (see stockinger’s rai-
ment), cocquette coiffs (see Agnes’ hats) and peningsworths of the best of taste of knaggs of jets and silvered waterroses and geegaws of my pretty novelties and wispy-
waspy frocks of redferns and lauralworths, trancepearances such as women cattle bare56 ↑ ande peltries piled, the peak of Pim’s and Slyne’s and Sparrow’s loomends day, lumi-
neused luxories on looks, La Primamère, Pyrrha Pyrrhine, Or de Reinebeau, Sou-
rire d’Hiver, and a crinoline, wide a shire, a nd pattens for her trilibies that know she might the tortuours of the boots and bedes of wampun with to toy and a murcery glaze of shard to mirrow, for all daintiness by me and theetime, the cupandnaggin hour: and I wound around my swanchen’s neckplace a school of shells of moyles marine to swing their saysangs in her silents : and, upping her at King’s count, her aldritch cry olos unheading, what though exceeding bitter, I pierced her beak with order of the Dana-
brog (Cunnig’s great ! Soll leve ! Soll leve ! with mare’s greese cressets at Leonard’s and57 ↑ Dunphy’s and Madonna lanthorns before quintacasas and tallonkindles spearhead syn-
geing nickendbookers and mhutton light-
burnes dipdippingdownes in blackholes, the tapers of the topers and his buntingpall at hoist !) : for days there was no night for nights were days and our folk had rest from Blackheathan and the pagans from the Prince of pacis : what was trembling sod quaked no more, what were frozen loins were stirred and lived : gone the septuor, dark deadly dismal doleful desolate dread-
ful desperate, no more the tolvmaans, bloody gloomy hideous fearful furious alarming ter-
rible mournful sorrowful frightful appal-
ling: peace, perfect peace : and I hung up at Yule my duindleeng lunas, helphelped of Kettil flashnose, for the souperhore of my58 ↑ frigid one, coloumba mea, frimosa mea, in Wastewindy Tarred strate and Elgin’s mar-
ble halles lamping limp from black to block through all Livania’s volted ampire from anodes to cathodes and from the topazolits of Mourne, Wykinloeflare, by Arklow’s sap-
phire siomen’s lure and Waterford’s hook and crook lights to the polders of Hy Kin-
sella: avenyue ceen my peurls ahumming, the crown to my estuarine munipicence? : three firths of the sea I swept with draugh-
tness and all ennempties I bottled em up in bellomport. When I stabmaroonedjack and maturin I was a bad boy’s bogey but it was when I went on to sankt piotersbarq that they gave my devil his due: what is seizer can hack in the old wold a sawyer may hew in the green : on the island of Breasil the59 ↑ wildth of me perished and I took my plow-
shure sadly feeling pity for me sored: where bold O’Conee weds on Alta Mahar, the tawny sprawling beside that silver burn, I sate me and settled with the little crither of my hearth : her intellects I charmed with I calle them utile thougts, her turlyhyde I plumped with potatums for amiens pease in plenty : my biblous beadells shewed her triumphs of craftygild pageantries, loftust Adam duffed our cousterclother, Conn and Owel with cortoppled baskib, Sire Noeh Guinass exposant of his bargeness and lord Joe Starr to hump the body of the camel : I screwed the Emperor down with nine-
pins gaelic with sixpennyhapennies for his hanger on : my worthies were bissed and trissed from Joshua to Godfrey but my pro-
60 ↑cessus prophetarum they would have plau-
ded to perpetuation. Moral: book to besure, see press.

— Hes not all buum and bully.

— But his members handly food him.

— Steving’s grain for’s greet Collegtium.

— The S. S. Paudraic’s in the harbour.

And after these things, I fed her, my carlen, my barelean linsteer, upon spiceries for her garbage breath, italics of knobby lauch and the rich morsel of the marrolebone and shains of garleeks and swinespepper and gothakrauts and pinkee dillisks, primes of meshallehs and subtleties in jellywork, come the feast of S^t Pancreas, and shortcake nutrients for Paas and Pingster’s pudding, bready and nutalled and potted fleshmeats from store dampkookin, and the drugs of61 ↑ Kafa and Jelupa and Shallots out of Asca-
lon, feeding her food convenient herfor, to pass then into earth : and to my saffron-
breathing mongoloid, the skinsyg, I gave Biorwik’s powlver and uliv’s oils, unguents of cuticure, for the swarthy searchall’s face on her, with handewers and groinscrub-
bers and a carrycam to teaze her tussy out, the brown but combly, a mopsa’s broom to duist her sate, and clubmoss and wolves-
foot for her more moister wards (amazing efficiencies !) : and my shopsoiled doveling, when weeks of kindness kinly civicised, in our saloons esquirial with fineglas bow-
bays, draped embrasures, and giltedged librariums I did devise my telltale sports at evenbread to wring her withers limberly, wheatears, slaphung, drapier-cutdean, bray,61 ↑ nap, spinado and ranter-go-round: we had our lewd mayers and our lairdie meiresses kiotowing and smuling fullface on us out of their framous latenesses, oilclothed over for cohabitation and allpointed by Hind : Tamlane the Cussacke, Dirk Wettingstone, Pi ten Stuyvesant, Outlawrie O’Niell, Mrs Currens, Mrs Reyson-Figgis, Mrs Dat-
tery and Mrs Pruny-Quetch : in hym we trust, footwash and sects principles, apply to overseer, Amos five six : she had dabbling-
time for exhibiting her grace of aljambras and duncingk the bloodanoobs in her vauxhalls while I, dizzed and dazed by the lumpty thumpty of our interloopings, fell clocksure off my ballast. In our windtor palast it vampared for Elenders, we lubded Sur Gudd for the sleep and the ghoasts. She63 ↑ chauffed her feusies at my Wigan’s jewels while she skalded her mermeries on my Snorryson’s Sagos : in paycook’s thron-
saale she domineered, lecking icies off the dormer panes all admired her in camises : on Rideau Row Duanna, dwells, you merk well what you see : let wellth were I our pantocreator would theirs be tights for the gods : in littlered ridinghats and cindery yellows and tinsel and glitter and bibs un-
der hoods : I made nusance of many well pressed champdamors and peddled freely in the scrub: I foredreamed for thee and more than fullmaked : I prevened for thee in the haunts that joybelled frail light-a-leaves for sturdy traemen, pelves ad hombres sumus : I said to the shiftless prostitute : let me be your fodder; and to rodies and prater bro-
64 ↑thers, Chau, Camerade ! : evangel of good tidings omnient as the Healer’s word, for the lost, loathsome and whomsoever will; who, in regimentation through liberal do-
nation in coordination for organisation of their installation and augmentation plus some annexation and amplification without precipitation towards the culmination in latification of what was formerly their utter privation, competence, cheerfulness, use-
fulness and the meed, shall in their second adams all be made alive. My tow tugs stee-
red down canal grand, my lighters lay long-
side on Regalia Water. And I built in Urbs in Rure, for minne elskede my shiny brows, under astrolobe from my upserva-
tory, an erdcloset with showne ejector wherewithin to be squatquit in most cove-
65 ↑nience from her sabbath needs, when open noise should stilled be : did not I festfix with mortarboard my unniversiries, wholly rational and gottalike, sophister agen sore-
fister, life sizars all? : was not I rosetted on two stelas of little egypt? had not I rockcut reders, hieros, gregos and democriticos?: triscastellated, bimedallised : and by my sevendialed changing charties Hibernska Ulitzas made not I to pass through 12 Thre-
adneedles and Newgade and Vicus Vene-
ris to cooinsight?: my camels walk, kolossa kolossa ! no porte sublimer benared my ghates: oi polled ye many but my fews were chousen (Voter, voter, early voter, he was never too oft for old Sarum): terminals four my staties were, the Geenar, the Greasou-
wea, the Debwickweck, the Migreawis.66 ↑ And I sept up twinminsters, the pro and the con, my stavekirks wove so norcely of peeled wands and attachatouchy floodmud, now all loosebrick and stonefest, freely ma-
soned, arked for covenanters and shinners’ rifuge : descent from above on us, Hagia-
sofia of Astralia, our orisons thy nave and absedes, our aeone tone aeones thy stud-
vaast vault; Hams, circuitise ! Shemites re-
trace !: horns, hush ! no barkeys ! hereround is’t holied ! : all truanttrulls made I co-
mepull, all rubbeling gnomes I pushed, gowgow : Cassels, Redmond, Gandon, Deane, Shepperd, Smyth, Neville, Hea-
ton, Stoney, Foley, Farrel, Vnost with Thorneycroft and Hogan too : sprids serve me ! gobelins guard ! : tect my tileries, (O tribes ! O gentes !) keep my keep, the peace67 ↑ of my four great ways : oathiose infernals to booth Salvation, arcane celestials to Sweatenburgs Welhell ! My seven wynds I trailed to maze her and ever a wynd had saving closes and all these closes flagged with the gust, hoops for her, hatsoff for him and ruffies through Neeblow’s gar-
ding: and that was why Blabus was razing his wall and eltering the suzannes of his nighboors : and thirdly, for ewigs I did reform and restore for my smuggy pig-
giesknees my sweet coolocked my auburn coyquailing one, her paddypalace on the crossknoll with massgo bell, sixton, clashcloshant duominous and muezzatin-
ties to commind the fitful : doom adim-
dim adoom adimadim : and the oragel of the lauds to tellforths’ glory : and added68 ↑ thereunto a shallow laver to slub out her hellfire and posied windows for her oriel house : gospelly pewmillieu christous pew-
millieu : zackbutts babazounded ollguns ta-
rarulled : and she sass her nach, chillybom-
bom and forty bonnets, upon the altarstane. May all have mossyhonours.

— Hoke !

And wholehail snaeffell, dreardrizzle or sleetshowers of blessing where it froze in chalix eller swum in the vestry, with fair-
skin book and ruling rod, vien of my vergin page, her chastener ever I did learn my little ana countrymouse in alphabeater cameltemper, from alderbirk to tannenyou,69 ↑ with myraw rattan atter dundrum ; ooah, oyir, oyir, oyir; and I did spread before my Livvy, where Lord street lolls and ladies linger and Cammomile Pass cuts Primrose Rise and Coney Bend bounds Mulbreys Island but never a blid had bledded or bludded since long agore when the whole blighty acre was bladey well pessovered, my selvage mats of lecheworked lawn, my carpet gardens of Guerdon City, with chopes pyramidous and mousselimes and beaconphires and colossets and pensilled turrisses for the busspleaches of the sum-
miramies and esplanadas and statuesque and templeogues the Pardonell of May-
nooth, Fra Teobaldo, Nielsen, rare admi-
rable, Jean de Porteleau, Conall Gretecloke Guglielmus Caulis and the eiligh ediculous70 ↑ Passivucant (glorietta’s inexellsiored !) : for irkdays and for folliedays till the comple anniums of calendarias, gregoro-
maios and gyspsyjuliennes as such are pleased of theirs to walk : and I planted for my own hot lisbing lass a quikset vine-
yard and I fenced it about with huge Chesterfield elms and Kentish hops and rigs of barlow and bowery nooks and greenwished villas and pampos animos and (N. I.) necessitades iglesias and pons for aguaducks : a hawthorndene, a feyrie-
glenn, the hallaw vall, the dyrchace, Fin-
mark’s Howe, against lickybudmonth and gleanermonth with a magicscene wall (rim-
rim ! rimrim !) for a Queen’s garden of her phoenix and (hush ! hush !) I brewed for my alpine plurabelle wigwarming wench (spea-
71 ↑keasy !) my granvilled brandold Dublin lin-
dub, the free, the froh, the frothy freshener, puss, puss, pussyfoot, to split the spleen of her maw : and I laid down before the trot-
ters to my eblanite my stony battered waggonways, my nordsoud circulums, my eastmoreland and westlandmore, running boullowards and syddenly parading (hear-
semen, opslo ! nuptiallers get storting !) : whereon, in mantram of truemen like ya-
hoomen (expect till dutc cundoctor sum-
moneth him all fahrts to pay, velkommen all hankinhunkn in this vongn of Hos-
seyeh !) claudesdales withe arabinstreeds, Roamer Reich’s rickyshaws with Hispain’s king’s trornpateers, madridden mustangs, buckarestive bronchos, poster shays and turnintaxis, and tall tall tilburys and nod72 ↑ nod noddies, others gigging gaily, some sedated in sedans : my priccoping gents aroger, aroger, my damsels softsidesaddled covertly, covertly, and Lawdy Dawe a perch behind: the mule and the hinnyand the jen-
net and the mustard nag and piebald Shjel-
ties and Skewbald awknees steppit lively (lift ye the left and rink ye the right !) for her pleashadure : and she lalaughed in her did-
dydid domino to the switcheries of the whip. Down with them ! Kick ! Playup !

Mattahah ! Marahah ! Luahah ! Joahana-
hanahana !(73) ↑

HAVETH CHILDERS EVERYWHERE

BY

JAMES JOYCE

HAVETH CHILDERS EVERYWHERE

HAVETH CHILDERS EVERY­WHERE

BY

JAMES JOYCE

HAVETH CHILDERS EVERY­WHERE

HAVETH CHILDERS EVERYWHERE

HAVETH CHILDERS EVERYWHERE